So last Wednesday, I had an emotional moment. I sort of want to build up to that moment when it happened..
Settling in London has not been great. We touched down November of last year and we’ve struggled. Struggled with money, jobs, loneliness – it’s been an effort. It’s been hard. Mr took 5 months to find a job. The first temp job I had I quit within the first week. Back home, we have a solid big group of friends we saw on a weekly basis – now that we were in London, we had no-one.
There were moments when it felt like we’d be flying home within a few months, when I wondered if this is not all it was cracked up to be, moving to London had been something I’d been wanting to do since i was a prepubescent teen and I was feeling hugely disappointed – in myself, in London, sometimes in the Mr.
Come April though, things picked up. Mr got an amazing job in an industry he’s only dreamed of working in, we started making friends, and I’ve found a pretty good job too. We had been in a studio since November as we had just wanted to live alone but our tenancy was coming to an end – so we started hunting for a sharehouse. On our hunt, we found this really good place – big house with lovely people and plenty of space for everyone. We got it too (I’m actually writing this post in the kitchen/dining room).
My emotional moment was a week ago. I was on my way home from my first solo work trip (I had gone to Wales for a day). I had been accidently given a 1st class ticket by the lady at the window and I didn’t realise until the ticket inspector came along. So I hitched up and walked to the front of the train to large, comfy leather seats where food and drinks came free and often through the aisle.
As I sat there, drinking my free coffee, staring out at the blue sky and sun, listening to Laura Ibizor Shine.. I was smiling. I was smiling and I was so uplifted in that very moment. I experienced a level of contentment I’ve never in my life felt. It was beautiful. And the feeling, though not as prominent on that first realisation is lingering on. I still smile when I’m walking to the station, I find myself wanting to laugh out loud or greet every person walking by like a Disney movie. My god, I feel like I’m in a Disney movie!
While I was sitting there and feeling this rush of content, of joy…. I knew I was so blessed. And I felt so gratified. And knew I was where I was meant to be.
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” – Theodore Roosevelt